adean-coastiress

I haven't been on here in quite some time, preoccupied with work and more work. I am excited to be almost complete with my training, and am looking forward to applying all my experience and everything I have learned to my future job.

Just returned from two weeks in the field. Nothing like sleeping in the rain, and eating nothing but bean stew and MRE's to make you appreciate what you have. It was interesting, and educational. It showed me how strong I really am, which was both empowering and humbling. I tend to turn misery into humor, and as such can push myself to the extreme and still crack a joke. To those who understand my intention I am inspirational, but to those who do not and cannot appreciate the physical and mental riggers of training, I tend to appear... well, insane. I suppose I am a little crazy for doing the things that I do, but I also feel that those individuals who avoid struggle, who seek out safety and comfort, who say that they couldn't do those things a soldier must, I feel a sense of pity for them. None of them will ever know what it is like to rise before the morning sun and stand waiting with a hundred or so pounds of gear on your back, for a truck to whisk you away to some unknown location, to do some unknown task, in the darkness of night, for the safety and well being of others. I'm no hero, and I don't think that I am better than anyone, but I do know what I am capable of, and that, in itself, is a significant thing.

It is true, I am yet on another move for the good old Army. I will be living in North Carolina for the next twelve or so months. I will be training to become a Green Beret. With this said, I leave tomorrow and probably wont log on for a few days, so I wish everyone the best and will catch up with you all when things settle down.

The person I am is nothing like the person am to become. Time in its grandness ensures this one constant. As you said, the past is a part of you, which makes you who you are today. Whether that be stronger, smarter, or simply more experienced. There is a singular truth that we choose to ignore; that there is a grand scheme for which we are not privy, it hides in the chaos and madness that we presume to label as coincidence. It is a guiding force that leads us from every step in our lives to the very next. So, in essence, there is are no mistakes, merely lessons learned; no shame to be had, merely a class in humility.

There was a time that i was on a path of self destruction. Seeking forth an end by the means of reckless behavior. As I reflect upon it now, I wonder if it was me trying to escape emotional pain or was it so that I could "feel" something at all.

We humans are such an odd species, so very strong and adaptive to the physical world, and still so fragile. Prisoners of our feelings and emotions. Such is the beauty of our design, the element in us that makes us need one another.

I believe that it is this aspect of our creation that helps to define the nature of the universe. It is in my understanding that the human mind is capable of a multitude of marvels that have still yet to be understood. And at the very tip of these abilities are the mystic and seemingly supernatural.

I have a theory that there is a form of energy that we have yet to discover. One that connects all things. Including our physical body, and with that our minds. How do we see, hear, smell, feel, taste? Our brain receives information from our surroundings, and like a computer interprets and encodes this same data in a manner so that our minds may understand it.

So in this I believe that when this unseen energy enters our senses and our brains do their very best to interpret them, this information is transformed into premonitions, dreams, audible phenomenon, intense feelings, the list goes on and on.

In conclusion I have come to believe that it is with our logic and mathmatical calculation we can interpret the physical world, and it is with our instinct, emotion, and feeling that we can hope to interpret this unseen energy.

This is the short version, perhaps if anyone wishes to talk about this in more detail we can chat, perhaps even get on the phone and talk.